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I had always prayed every night to God, but I did not know Jesus yet. I was in the emergency ward one night. I had a benign tumour in my chest that was causing indescribable pain. I was vomiting the painkillers and had extremely low iron and a lung infection as well as a gastro virus. I was in hospital alone and on a drip of water and maxillon (anti-nauseous drug). I had a reaction to the drug and thought that was the end for me. I was alone (my boyfriend at a party because I had been sick for two years so it was no surprise). I left the hospital about three hours later and stayed in bed for about 2 days. A week later I was really scared and didnt know what my body would do next.
A friend of my flatmates felt strongly lead by god to come and talk to me. She came in to my house and prayed with me and I asked Jesus to heal me. I felt a light wind come over me and the pain started to go. I went to church with her and Jesus healed my chest by his love and grace by my singing to him (praising him). Then he took my pain every time I was sick for the next 3 years. During that time, I was baptized with water in a bathtub and baptized with the holy spirit (which was like a strong gush of wind which came within me) and I felt like I had found god and he was in control and my mouth was moving and praying in other languages (the gift of tongues). I was then baptized at a Greek Orthodox Church because I changed churches and they thought I needed to be baptised a different way.
After I was baptised at the Orthodox Church I spoke against the Holy Spirit which is an eternal sin which cannot be forgiven (but it was not me who spoke but was the sin within me). I said We know the truth to my friend who baptized me the first time. In saying the truth there was a slight intention in the word truth that I was accusing god of not giving me the holy spirit. But it was not me that spoke; it was the sin in me so I had no control over the words that came out of my mouth. When I got home, I put a cross on my wrist with the holy water because I thought I must be possessed if something spoke through me. I felt guilt and condemnation and that I had betrayed Christ. I had suicidal thoughts that were out of my control racing around in my head for three days. I felt like I had committed an eternal sin. I was possessed, Satan was within me (I was like Judas and I thank god that nobody could see that I was possessed as far as I knew).
Then I just so happened to open up the bible to the page that says Every sin by man will be forgiven, but speaking against the Holy Spirit is an eternal sin and cannot be forgiven (In the gospels). I had accused god of giving me the wrong spirit. It was then that I regretted not reading and studying the bible enough. It was then that I regretted inviting my friend who baptized me the first time to my baptism in the church. It was then that I regretted the gift of speech and how lucky people are who cannot speak or are not born in the first place. It was then that I was angry with my mother for not baptizing me as a child. But then I had to forgive my mother (a man in a church told me and did not know me or what had happened) and to forgive myself and love myself the way that I am and forgive god for not teaching me or warning me of this when he was saying to me that all things are possible to him so I knew that it was possible for him to warn me everyday of my life. Then I realised I was separated from him and that he was trying to tell me but couldnt and thats why he had to write it down in the bible. And I had to come to the conclusion that it wasnt my fault that I spoke against the holy spirit, but that I was sorry because I could have read that part in the bible and that god had chosen for this to happen to me so that I could share this story with others and warn them.
But no matter how many times I said sorry, I knew that Jesus could not forgive me for what I said. He has forgiven me now, but he has shown me that there is a result or consequences of what happened and that is naturally without his forgiveness of all the words we say, and baptism in water and the holy spirit, we are pulled (like a gravitational pull) to an eternal fire called hell).
Many miracles happened and everything that I asked for, Jesus Christ has granted to me, but that isnt why I love Jesus (god) so much. He took away my sin and carries/d (he is beyond time because he made it) it himself for me. I went to my old church when I felt guilt and condemnation and the pastor who did not know what had happened with me, stood up in front of us looking in my direction and said guilt and condemnation leave the room in the name of the lord Jesus Christ.
The guilt and condemnation left and has not returned. I cannot feel guilt and I cannot feel condemnation. Jesus Christ then took my shame, despair, mourning for the wicked, fear (my friend from church prayed for me) and anger. I love Jesus because he took my sin and pain but also that I am now able to know him closely and he is in my heart because I asked him into my heart to be my lord and saviour. I love him because he is so forgiving and would never lie and in a world where it is hard to find a faithful relationship, he has promised never to leave me nor forsake me. I love that we are able to communicate in many ways and there is peace in our friendship (when I still carried the sin of anger and was angry with Jesus, I had a horrible time here!).
I love that I am able to love him because he loved me first. I love his holy presence in church (when I walk in I feel the grace of god (love of god)) and thank him that he is there to be with us and that we are there to be with him. I love that he is within me, so everywhere I go, he comes with me and when I went back to the emergency ward 3 years later in the same bed and had severe stomach pains and chronic asthma (was diagnosed for the first time). God healed me again and I knew that I was not alone and that I will never have to be alone again for all of eternity whether I am in heaven with Jesus (peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control and more) or the place of the dead with Jesus (eternal fire).
If you confess with your mouth, all your heart, and all your mind and soul that the lord Jesus Christ is your saviour, ye shall be saved and you need to be baptised in water and of the spirit in order to see the kingdom of heaven. He is not joking, he created you, and he knows what needs to happen for you to be able to go to heaven! Having Jesus Christ in my life is the best thing that ever happened to me. I am a singer and I know that through prayer I have toured with a band for a year and now I am the manager of three bands and the promotions manager of a record company and I won the most creative songwriter award in my city comp. I am in the process of creating my own album with gods help.
All things are possible to god. God said if he is on your side, who can be against you! He will not allow me to be thrown into a mans life without him committing our relationship to god forever (marriage), because he says that I belong to him, but at the same time he has given me a man as a boyfriend who is a strong Christian who has said that he has intentions of marrying me.
God will not let us waste our time with people he knows will not marry us because he knows the future and he knows what they will say before they say it.
Anyway, God bless you, and I hope all your dreams come true!
|Central European Time|